


Five Times Jim Tried to Tell Spock He Loved Him and the One Time Spock Told Jim

by IvanW



Series: Five Plus One Stories [5]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, five plus things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29845668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Exactly what the title saysIt's time for a 5 +1 Story
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Five Plus One Stories [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1181465
Comments: 110
Kudos: 164





	1. One

“Tonight’s the big night, huh?”

Jim took a drink of the bourbon Bones had just poured him and grimaced. “I wish you’d stop saying that.”

“Saying what?”

“The big night. That’s a lot of pressure.”

Bones smirked and sipped his own drink. “Damn that’s smooth. The pressure is created by you, Jim. You should just…spit it out.”

“Spit it out. That sounds romantic.”

“And see, that there is your problem. You’re trying to make telling Spock you’re in love with him this big romantic gesture. You don’t even have the romance yet, so there’s no need for romance.”

“Huh?”

“What I mean, genius, is just blurt it out. You’re always wanting to start with some nonsense like ‘Spock, I have something to tell you’ and—”

“What is it you wish to tell me, Doctor?”

Jim spit out the sip of bourbon he’d just taken. He turned fast to see Spock standing in the medbay near their location. Jim winced and went to wipe his uniform sleeve across his face when he saw the look of extreme disapproval flash across Spock’s face. He sighed and reached beyond Bones for a disposable wet wipe kept by the beds.

“Uh. How-how long you been there, Spock?”

“I arrived just as the doctor stated he had something to tell me.”

Spock had his hands clenched behind his back and looked completely serene as usual. Well besides his brief judgy-judgy face of a second ago. He gave no indication he wasn’t being completely honest. He knew all about the ‘can’t lie’ or ‘won’t lie’ crap Vulcans claimed, though, so he was just a tad suspicious.

Bones looked far too amused, the scoundrel. But he plastered on a rare smile and replied, “I got your results back after those tests we ran after your exposure to those spores. You’ll be glad to know everything’s normal.”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. Captain, I believe we are supposed to be having a chess match at this very time.”

“Chess. Right. Sorry. Um. Yeah. Time got away from me.”

“If you are unavailable—”

“No, no. I’m available. So available.”

Bones choked. Jim was pretty sure it was on his own laughter and he so wanted to punch him in his weird shaped nose. 

He shoved his glass with his unfinished drink into Bones’ hand.

“See you.”

Bones looked like his face was about to break with that wide smile on it. “Good luck.”

“Chess is not a matter of luck, Doctor, but of skill.”

Bones shook his head and looked away.

Spock arched a brow, but then turned to leave the medbay with Jim trailing after him.

Jim was not a fan of chess, really. But the first time Spock had asked him to play, he had, of course, eagerly accepted. Jim played well enough, it was just, not his thing. He had known from that meld so long ago with the older Spock that he and his captain had played though, so Jim couldn’t turn him down. Especially when they were trying to be friends.

For the first several months of those chess matches, Spock was still with Uhura. But they had ended things, permanently, while on Yorktown, before the new Enterprise had gone out to continue their mission.

Jim had been trying to figure things out ever since.

Yeah, he was slow.

“You are pensive today,” Spock commented, casting a look in Jim’s direction.

“A lot on my mind.” He stopped before his own quarters. Trying to remember if they were playing there or in Spock’s.

“I will be over in a moment,” Spock declared.

His then.

Good.

At least he was on friendly territory.

Once in his quarters, Jim began to pace.

Should he change out of his uniform? Something more comfortable? Or would that be too obvious? He didn’t want to be obvious. Well, any more than he probably already was.

God, he was sweating.

He’d been rehearsing this for days.

“Spock, I have something to tell you.”

“Spock, there’s a time and place for everything.”

“Spock…oh well.”

And that’s pretty much where he was. Maybe Bones was right and he should get straight to it.

“Spock, I love you.”

Jim grimaced. That sounded awful and his voice had squeaked. Spock would run as quickly as he could from Jim under those circumstances.

Actually, maybe this should wait. There was no hurry, right? They had a few more years left on the mission. It could wait until the end, right? Jim nodded to himself. In fact, maybe they’d go out another five years after, and then it could—

Spock stepped inside Jim’s quarters. He carried with him a cup of tea. He eyed the empty table where Jim was, he supposed, meant to setup the chess set.

“My bad. Sorry.” He moved toward the table. “I’ll just…set it up now.”

Jim bent down and got the set, then set it on the table. He started placing the chess pieces.

He was being cowardly.

“Spock.”

“Captain?”

“I-I have, uh, something to tell you.”

Jim straightened. Pulled down his uniform shirt in an unintentional mirror of his first officer. He turned and faced Spock.

“Something that I’ve been meaning to discuss with you for a while.”

Spock inclined his head and then, to Jim’s surprise, nodded. “Yes. I believe I know where this is going.”

“You…do?”

Jim thought about this. There was no way Spock could know. He’d been obvious, maybe, but not _that_ obvious. 

“I’ve recognized the way you feel.”

_Oh. My. God._

He _does_ know _._ Somehow Jim had given it away.

“Uh. Well.”

Spock nodded. “There was no reason to keep your dislike of chess from me, Captain.”

Jim’s jaw dropped open. “My-my what?”

“That is what you wished to convey, is it not? That you don’t enjoy playing chess.”

“No,” he said quickly. Frowned. “I mean, yes. I don’t. Um. Much. But that—”

Suddenly the red alert siren screeched in his quarters throughout the ship. 

“What the hell? Gotta be a false alarm.”

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.” Scotty’s voice.

Jim went to his comm. “Kirk here. Scotty, what is it?”

“A Klingon Bird of Prey, sir. Appeared outta nowhere, Captain.”

Spock was already walking out the door.

“Be right there.”


	2. Two

“You know this is becoming a pattern.”

Spock returned a phaser blast from his location crouched behind a hunk of machinery. “Pattern?”

“Uh-huh. Every time I try to tell you something, then something happens to interrupt.” Jim kept his hand on his side, trying to apply pressure to his bleeding wound.

“Now is not the time, Captain.”

“Kind of my point, Spock. It never seems to be the time. Why, just this morning—”

“Captain, save your strength.”

“Oh, hell, Spock. We both know I’m dying.” He paused. “Again.”

“You are not.” Spock fired a shot. “Dying.” Another. “Again.”

“The Enterprise doesn’t know where we are. I’m bleeding out. You should try to escape. No reason for both of us to die.”

“You are being overly dramatic.”

“Try having a gaping hole the size of…unh.”

“Captain? Jim!”

Jim made a face, fired his own phaser. “Still here, Spock. Just, you know, it’s a burning pain. As I was saying, since I’m dying anyway, I really have nothing to lose.”

“Except your life,” Spock said, pointedly. “And you are not.”

“Semantics.”

“That is not the meaning of semantics.”

“Really? You’re going to argue with me right now when I’m about to tell you—” A phaser blast appeared right next to his head. “Damn. That one was close.”

“We have to get out of here and get you to the medbay immediately.”

“Okay, but Spock…”

Suddenly he was breaking up and when he reappeared it was right in the middle of one of Bones’ biobeds.

“What the hell?”

Bones jabbed a hypo into Jim’s neck. “Not again, Jim.”

“How did? Look, I was dying again—”

“You were not dying again,” Bones snapped. “Do you know how many times in the last year you’ve claimed to be dying?”

“You keep track of that kind of thing?”

“Of course.”

“How’s Spock?”

Bones gave him a look. “Fine. He’s already on the bridge. You’re the idiot with a hole in your side.”

“I did die once,” Jim said mulishly.

“That doesn’t count,” Bones insisted.

“Wait. Why doesn’t it count?”

“Because I say so.”

Jim was feeling sleepier by the second. Wondered what Bones had stuck him with.

“Bones, I was about to tell Spock how I feel.”

“Again?”

“You know what…” Jim yawned.

Bones pet his hair. “That’s it, go to sleep.”

****

“Wait one minute.”

Jim looked up from the grayish slop Nurse Chapel had brought him a second ago she claimed was potato soup. He’d stuck his spoon in it and it was gloopy.

That was Bones’ grumpy-ass voice.

Jim spotted Sulu coming toward him, holding a gigantic potted plant, Jim presumed was meant for him.

Bones scanned his tricorder over the plant. “Nope.”

“Oh, come on, Doc. I’m sure this is fine for the captain.”

“And I’m just as sure it’s not. Get it out of here, Sulu.”

Sulu gave Jim a sheepish look. “Glad you’re feeling better, Captain.”

He then turned and left the medbay.

Bones approached, hands on hips. “Well?”

Jim held up his gloopy soup. “Can’t I have something better than this?”

Bones sat down on the edge of the bed. “Don’t say that too loud. Chris made that.”

Jim sniffed it. “How come when she made Spock soup it wasn’t this gross?”

“She’s got a crush on him a foot wide.”

Jim stared at him. “What does that even mean?”

“Like you she has poor taste.”

Jim sighed and pushed the soup away. “Spock hasn’t been by to see me.”

“He’s busy, running things. Besides he was here when you were sleeping.”

Jim nodded. “How soon can I get out of here?”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Bones.”

“Maybe the day after if you continue to sass me.”

He closed his mouth.

“That’s better. So, you still haven’t told him?”

“You know I haven’t.”

“I still say just blurt it out. You don’t need some speech about candy and flowers.”

Jim pursed his lips. “You know you are divorced.”

“Right. So?”

“Well, Bones, no offense, but why should I take advice from you? You clearly didn’t get things right. No offense.”

Bones snorted. “Why should I be offended by that? It wasn’t rude or anything.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, if you don’t want my advice than just say so.”

“I don’t want your advice.”

“Here’s what I think you should do—

“Wait,” Jim stopped him. “I said I didn’t want your advice.”

Bones waved that away. “You didn’t mean it, I know that.”

Jim closed his eyes. It was going to be a long night.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uses elements of the TOS episode, The Naked Time

Tonight was for sure the time Jim intended to tell Spock he loved him. More and more, Jim became convinced that maybe, just maybe, Spock felt the same way. After all, once they admitted Jim wasn’t crazy about chess, they’d found other reasons to hang out together, and Jim figured that had to mean something.

Right?

Still, he was mostly prepared for Spock to say, “Why, Captain, that is indeed pleasant to hear, but alas, all I feel for you is friendship.”

Jim didn’t analyze why in his imagined scenario of Spock’s response he spoke the word ‘alas’ as though he was from ancient times or something. Spock seemed the type to use that word and Jim was sticking to it.

In the meantime, Spock had gone down to the planet, Psi 2000, with Lieutenant Tormolen, wearing environmental suits, to see what had happened to the research team stationed on the planet. Starfleet had lost contact with that team, and recent information indicated Psi 2000 was deteriorating.

Jim, as he normally did, wanted to go down with them, but this time Spock had convinced them there was no need. Jim had reluctantly agreed.

Spock’s report was that the research team had perished under mysterious circumstances. Their life support system had been turned off and every member of that team were dead, some in extremely odd circumstance.

Spock and Tormolen had returned and been cleared for duty.

Even now, Spock was at his station.

But then Jim had been given word Tormolen had attacked a crew member in the mess.

“Spock? Medbay?”

Spock joined him in the turbolift, and Jim almost said something then, but knew it definitely wasn’t the time.

“Are you sure nothing happened down there with Tormolen?”

“Nothing I am aware of, Captain. He did seem…disturbed…by what we witnessed.”

“Understandable considering what you described.”

Once in the medbay, McCoy came forward.

“I don’t have a clue what’s going on, Jim. Sulu and Riley brought him in. They managed to get him under control but not before he ended up turning a knife on himself. Said he was ranting and raving. Right now, I have him stable.”

Jim glanced toward the lieutenant in the biobed. At the moment Nurse Chapel was beside him running tests. He nodded. “Keep me posted of any changes. You sure he didn’t pick anything up from down there?”

Bones frowned. “I examined both him and Spock myself and everything was normal. Now? I don’t know. His vitals aren’t what they should be, that’s all I know.”

“I want answers, Bones.”

He turned and left, Spock following behind him.

“You, Spock? You feel okay?”

“Perfectly, Captain.”

Jim smiled faintly as they headed back toward the bridge. With the situation as it was, Jim was no longer sure he’d be able to tell Spock how he felt.

****

Jim didn’t feel right. Something was…wrong. Desperately wrong. He’d tried so hard to avoid this thing, whatever it was, that Spock and Tormolen had brought onboard.

Tormolen was dead. Sulu in the medbay. Crew members seemingly losing their minds everywhere around him. Riley holed up in Engineering.

Jim wiped his sweaty palms on the thighs of his uniform pants.

“Get it together, Jim.”

He was looking for Spock. Yeah. To tell Spock.

“Tell him what?” he asked out loud.

Jim suddenly saw the deck swim before his eyes. He leaned on the bulkhead.

Medbay.

Spock was going there, right? To see if he could…

Jim didn’t know.

He straightened, wiped his palms again, and went down the corridor to the medbay. The doors opened just in time for him to hear Nurse Chapel.

“I’m in love with you, Mr. Spock.”

“Nurse Chapel—”

“My name is Christine.” She had her hands on Spock’s face.

“Yes, I know,” Spock said, gently. “Christine…”

“Commander,” Jim interrupted.

Spock stepped back from her and abruptly faced Jim.

“Where is McCoy?” Jim demanded of her.

She just stared at him, a flower tucked behind her ear.

“I don’t have _time_ for this.,” Jim snapped angrily, then punched the wall. “Bones!”

Bones came running then. “Jim, what in tarnation…” He stopped, stared at Nurse Chapel. “Chris, get yourself in bed.”

“But Doctor—”

“Do as I say.” Bones looked at Jim. “Are you—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jim snarled. “I’m infected too.”

“Get into that bed.”

“No! I can’t. _I’m in command_. I have to be on the bridge, Bones. Someone has to save this ship and it’s _always_ me!”

“Now Jim—”

Jim shook himself, straightened from the wall, and exited the medbay, ignoring both Bones and Spock, who had stood there, rather stupefied.

Overhead, Riley started singing again and Jim thought he’d go mad.

“Scotty!” He screamed into the nearby comm. “Get in there and shut him up!”

“Working on it right now, Captain.”

Jim leaned against the wall, covering his ears.

Abruptly the singing stopped.

Jim took a deep breath. “Scotty?”

“We’re in, Captain. _Oh no_.”

“What? What now?”

“Riley shut them down, sir. The ship’s engines.”

“Damn. How-how long will it take to get them going again?”

“Not long enough, Captain. We’ll never make it before the Enterprise crashes right into Psi 2000. There’s just not enough time.”

Jim closed his eyes.

Spock. He had to find Spock. Spock would know what to do. Right?

“Captain? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yeah. Give me-give me some time. I’ll come up with something. Kirk out.”

And now, he had to think of something that would save his ship. Or Spock would. He had to find him. Now.

****

“You look like hell, Jim.”

Jim peered at Bones through the spread in his fingers that covered his face. “You say that far too often, you know.”

“Well.” Bones shrugged. He sat down at the table in the mess across from Jim. He held a gigantic cup of coffee in his hands. There was one in front of Jim too. “Everyone’s been inoculated now, Jim.”

He nodded. “Good. My arm still hurts from it by the way. And you ripped my shirt.”

Bones smiled. “You should be used to that too. What’s wrong anyway? You should be happy. The ship’s saved thanks to that brilliant idea of the full restart. Everything’s mostly back to normal.”

Jim sighed, moved his hands off his face, and picked up his coffee. “I didn’t tell Spock. Again.”

“Why not?”

“Because, Bones, he wouldn’t have believed it. _Everyone_ told him they loved him during this damn thing.”

Bones chuckled. “I know about Chris and Chekov. Who else?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“I figured she’d tell him, but I have to say the Chekov thing surprised me.”

Jim snorted. “He’s thoroughly embarrassed too.”

“Eh, he wasn’t in his right mind,” Bones said. “He has nothing to be embarrassed by.”

“Not him…Spock. He’s embarrassed. I guess one of the lab techs too.”

Bones outright laughed. “Well, what a sweet Vulcan.”

Jim kicked him. “Shut up, will ya? He would have thought I was crazy like the rest of them.”

“Well.” Bones shrugged. “Aren’t you?”

Jim took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. “It’s gone cold.”

Bones pushed his toward Jim. “I got this for you anyway. You look like hell.”

“So you said already.” Jim took the coffee gratefully. “Yet another missed opportunity.”

“Cheer up, Jim. Maybe by the time you’re eighty you’ll have told him.”

“Bridge to Captain.”

Jim rose from his seat. “Duty calls.” 


	4. Four

Of all crew members to run into while Jim was trying to hide, sure, it had to be Spock.

Jim was starting to think the Vulcan was his nemesis instead of his love interest.

_Potential_.

If Jim ever got off his cute ass and told Spock, that is. And yes. Jim admitted even to himself, or was that especially, that he had a fine ass.

“Captain, what are you…”

“Shh. Voice down, Mister Spock.” Jim peaked around the corner of that part of the laboratory to see if anyone was coming.

Okay, sure, picking the science labs to hide might not have been his best choice. But he wasn’t trying to avoid Spock, after all.

In fact, he was very close to just doing what Bones said and blurting out undying love just that minute. But really…

“Aren’t you supposed to be entertaining the Dohlman of Elas?”

Jim gave Spock a look. “That is who I’m avoiding.”

“What?”

“Well, her and Ambassador Petri of Troyius.”

The Dohlman, Elaan, a particularly annoying woman, though beautiful, was set to marry the King of Troyius to secure peace between their planets. And why the Enterprise had to be involved in an arranged marriage was completely beyond him. If Elaan didn’t want to marry whatshisname, she shouldn’t be forced.

“But Ambassador Petri is supposed to be training the Dohlman in the ways of Troyius.”

“Yeah well.” Jim straightened. “Don’t you think that’s barbaric anyway? Oh wait. Vulcans believe in arranged marriages too. Never mind.”

“Captain—”

“Look, he wants nothing to do with her after she stabbed him.”

Spock blinked at him. “She stabbed him?”

Jim waved this away. “Superficial. Bones says he’ll be fine. But now he refuses to be in the same room with her and he wants me to take over advising her what she needs to know.”

Spock considered this and then nodded. “You did study up on the customs of Troyius. It is logical that you would take over her training.”

“Yeah? So she can stab _me_?”

“Doubtful. She appears to find you appealing. Captain, this is unbecoming of you. Hiding from a dignified guest of the Enterprise. It is your duty—

“Oh God.” Jim buried his face in his hands. “Now I’m getting the lecturey-voice.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim’s lips twitched as he moved closer to his first officer. “Did anyone ever tell you that…”

“Medbay to Captain Kirk.”

Jim sighed. “We really need to talk.”

He went to the comm. “Kirk here.”

“Can you some to the medbay, Jim?” A pause. “The Dohlman is waiting.”

Jim grimaced. “Be right there.”

  
****   
  


“Everyone hates me!” Elaan cried hysterically.

“Uh, well not everyone, I’m sure,” Jim replied, gently. “It’s just sometimes your attitude…”

“What about _you_ , Captain?” Elaan, her long dark hair loose and hanging down her back, moved herself closer to Jim in his quarters.

Now that Jim thought about it, it was stupid to bring her there. She had insisted. Said there were too many _outsiders_ around her guest quarters.

He remembered hearing something about the women of her planet’s tears, but…

“May I call you James?”

“Er, sure. Of course. Dohlman, we should be going over the lessons you need—”

“Elaan,” she whispered. “I don’t want to marry him. Don’t make me.”

“It’s not really up to me.”

Before he could move away, she put her hands up to his face. One of her fingers was wet with the tears she’d been shedding.

Jim blinked.

“You won’t make me marry that awful king, will you, James?”

She threw herself into his arms and soon he was kissing her. His mind was fuzzy with why he shouldn’t be doing exactly that.

Elaan broke off the kiss long enough to say, “We could run away together. You could marry me.”

“Yes,” Jim whispered against her lips. “Whatever you want.” He moved them toward the bed.

****

“Here you are.”

Jim glanced over at Bones, who came to stand next to him on the observation deck.

“You feeling all right now, Jim?”

“Better, yeah. Even better that Elaan and all the rest are off the Enterprise.”

“Glad the antidote for her tears helped. Christine said according to tradition or rumor, whatever you want to say, the tears make you her slave for life. Something like that.” Bones snorted.

Jim sighed. “Yeah, not one of my best moments. I knew there was a reason I was trying to hide from her.”

Bones chuckled. “All’s well that ends well.”

“Spock saw us.”

“Oh?”

“Uh-huh. I guess her people realized she was missing, and he came looking, and well, he came in on us…”

“Say no more. You weren’t in your right mind, Jim. Did you and her actually—”

“Let’s not talk about that. I don’t want to start some kind of diplomatic incident,” Jim said, wearily. “Anyway, so much for telling Spock I’m in love with him now.”

“You might want to wait just a bit, yeah. Until he forgets.”

“He doesn’t forget squat, Bones. Maybe, still, I can tell him before I’m eighty like you said.”

Bones squeezed his arm. “Come have a drink with me.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah. Good idea.”

“You’re not still thinking of her, are you?” Bones asked as they left the observation deck.

“Hell, no. My heart belongs only to one being, Bones. You know that.”

“Yep. I do. Let me know when you are gonna tell him. We’re thinking of getting a betting pool going.”

Jim grinned. “Shut up.”

Bones laughed. “At least you’re smiling now. Let’s get that drink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> use of some TOS episode elements of Elaan of Troyius


	5. Five

“You know, that wasn’t me.”

Spock continued to look straight ahead even though Jim was speaking.

They were on the way to the bridge and Jim was pretty sure that Spock was avoiding him ever since that ill-fated visit with Elaan.

Jim sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It was the tears, okay?”

“You owe me no explanation,” Spock said after a long pause.

Jim pursed his lips. He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his fingers on his arm.

“Yeah, I know. Just the same. I didn’t want her.”

Very slowly Spock looked at Jim. His expression, as usual, unreadable.

“You were doing a fairly decent job of hiding that fact when I came upon the two of you.”

Jim blinked. The doors opened onto the bridge.

“It was the tears—”

But Spock had exited and walked to his station.

Grimacing, Jim went to his chair, ignoring the curious stare of Uhura.

He’d been sitting there, kind of stewing in his irritation when Uhura beckoned.

“Captain, we’re being hailed by Admiral Lowell.”

“Onscreen.”

Lowell, a man of about sixty, appeared.

“Kirk, you look a bit green around the gills.”

Jim smiled. “I’m fine, sir.”

“Good to hear. The Enterprise is being sent to the planet Kester for possible negotiations for the Kesterian people joining the Federation.”

His smile slipped. “Can’t another ship be sent, Admiral? My crew is overdue for shore leave and it was my understanding we’d be getting it soon.”

“And you will absolutely get it, Kirk. After this mission on Kester. You’re the nearest elite starship to the location and besides you’re my favorite crew,” Lowell said, jovially. “Plot a course, Captain. Lowell out.”

Jim bit back his own sigh as he heard audible groans from the bridge crew.

“All right, that’s enough. We have our orders. Plot the course, Mister Chekov.”

“Aye, Keptin.”

****

Jim woke to an excruciating headache. And an even more horrendous pain in his side. He was lying prone, but not on the hard ground. It took a moment for him to process exactly what he was lying on.

“Captain?” Spock spoke softly, almost a whisper.

Oh. He was cradled in Spock’s lap.

“Do not move, Jim. You are grievously injured.”

Jim’s lips and mouth were dry, his throat parched. “Uh. Situation?”

“We are in a dungeon on the planet Kester after being attacked by the natives,” Spock replied. “Ensign Michels was killed. You and Lieutenant Henderson were injured. Henderson is lying in the corner, unconscious. I expect he will survive.”

“If the Enterprise finds us. You?”

“Cuts and bruises only, Captain.”

Jim made to move but Spock stopped him.

“Please stay still. I do not know the extent of your injuries, but they are significant.”

“What…what are our chances?”

Spock did not immediately answer.

“Spock?”

“Not good.”

At that moment Jim heard a door open.

“Our captors,” Spock told him.

Jim tried to see what was happening, but the cell was dark and his vision blurry. He felt Spock tense beneath him just before Spock said something in Vulcan.

Jim was pulled roughly to his feet.

“No!” Spock yelled as he tried to rise, but the Kesterian kicked Spock, knocking him back to the ground.

Jim felt weak and woozy as he was dragged from the cell. They brought him to a room where others waited and as they turned to strap Jim to some contraption, he passed out.

****

Spock got to his feet, holding his tender and bruised stomach, as the door to their dungeon once more opened.

When they tossed in Spock’s captain in a crumpled heap, Spock knew the meaning of the Human term ‘heart in his mouth’. He rushed to Jim’s side, fearing the worst.

“Captain? Jim?”

Jim let out an agonizing moan of pain, but at least that meant he was alive. Spock pulled Jim into his arms. He was even paler than before. He was bruised, battered, cut and burned.

“Spock,” Jim whispered. “Something I was supposed to tell you.”

“What, Jim?”

“Don’t know.”

“Then save your strength.”

“Nothing to save. I’m not…not going to make it.”

“Jim!”

His captain had gone limp and unconscious and Spock panicked.

And then his communicator blurped. It was the best sound Spock had ever heard.

“Scott to Mr. Spock. I’ve been trying to reach the Captain but—”

“Beam us up now,” Spock interrupted sharply.

He hoped it was not too late.

****

Jim woke several times in the Medbay. Most of the time he felt very weak and out of it. But every time he opened his eyes Spock was there. That had to be significant, right?

He didn’t know how long he’d been there or what his condition was, but he felt a cool hand on his forehead.

Something to say.

“Spock? I love you.”

No response, but the hand had moved.

He opened his eyes. “Spock?”

Standing next to his biobed was Nurse Chapel. She smiled gently down at him.

“Just me, Captain. Mister Spock left sometime ago. Doctor’s orders for him to get some rest. He’s been holding vigil here for days.” She patted his chest. “You’re going to be fine, Captain. Since you’re awake, do you want some broth?”

Jim grimaced but nodded. He was kind of hungry.

But also disappointed. Finally, he’d said it. But the only one who had heard was Chape. Figured.

“Be right back.”

He let out a long-suffering sigh. He wasn’t dead. But he did feel better, so he still had a chance.


	6. Six

Finally, he’d been released.

Sure, he couldn’t return to duty yet. Bones had been a pain about that. But he was back here in his own space, instead of stuck to a bed in the Medbay.

First, of course, he had to withstand a stern lecture from the good doctor about how many times he had to try to die. Which, he wasn’t trying, honestly.

Since his stupid confession of his love to…Christine Chapel, Jim hadn’t seen Spock. Or Nurse Chapel, for that matter. He’d had another nurse after that, and Jim was pretty sure that was just a coincidence, but whatever.

But Spock had been busy, he guessed, running the ship, and resting up from having to protect Jim, he supposed. Eventually, when Jim finally got to see Spock, he planned on telling the Vulcan how he felt.

After all, surely, all that stuff they’d just gone through, kinda sorta hinted that Spock _did_ feel the same way. Jim knew there was only one way to find out.

He had just removed the ugly hospital shirt Bones had made him wear, anticipating a long hot, water shower, when his door chimed.

A visitor already? A captain’s duty was never done, he guessed.

“Enter.”

Spock himself stepped into Jim’s quarters. And for a moment, Spock just stared at Jim and his bare chest.

“Uh. Hi.”

Should he put the shirt back on?

“I have been informed you were released from the Medbay,” Spock spoke very softly. “Is it premature?”

Jim shook his head. “No. No. I’m fine. And off duty anyway. I was…” He moistened his lips. “Gonna take a shower. Listen, about what-what went on down there.”

Spock had moved closer. Jim wasn’t even sure how he had managed it. Because Jim’s back was against the wall and Spock stood right in front of him, so close Jim could feel his breath on his skin.

“Do you need assistance?”

“Yeah. Wait. What?” Jim widened his eyes. Something was different about Spock. There was this intensity about him that might have frightened others. But not Jim. It was…hot.

“I can help you in the shower.”

Jim nodded. “Listen, there’s something I need to tell you—”

“I am in love with you.”

“Yes, exactly. How did you…wait. Are you—”

Spock kissed him. A hand on each side of Jim’s head, Spock pressing Jim’s body against the wall, so close, so fully pressed, Jim felt Spock’s obvious erection. Jim kissed back, because…well, he’d dreamt of this a million times, but never, ever, had Spock’s lips tasted this addictive.

“Hmm?” Spock murmured against his lips.

“The real thing is even better,” Jim tried to explain, vaguely wondering how Spock must have known what he was thinking.

Spock shook his head as he returned to kissing Jim and Jim was pretty sure Spock was thinking ‘illogical’. He put his arms around Spock’s neck for purchase. Spock’s erection seemed even harder now, pressed against him, and Jim’s own cock had risen in solidarity, for sure.

“Want you to fuck me,” Jim managed to gasp out between head spinning kisses.

“Shower first,” Spock said, pretty much splashing cold water all over Jim’s plans.

“But…”

“Trust me.”

Jim did trust Spock. More than anyone else ever.

He still hadn’t told Spock anything now that he thought about it. Spock told him. Right?

“Spock, I love you.”

It shouldn’t make him a little lightheaded to say those words, but it did.

Spock’s hand came up to cup his jaw. “Yes.”

Which made him laugh. And maybe once he would have wondered what that meant, even, but he didn’t now. Spock had said it first. And somehow, inexplicably, he recognized that love in Spock’s warm brown eyes.

Spock towed him toward the bathroom where he turned on the shower, water as Jim had wanted, and then he finished removing Jim’s clothes, his gaze lingering on Jim’s hard cock, which just made Jim impossibly harder.

Spock opened the door to the shower, gently pushing Jim under the hot water spray. It was wonderfully hot, not quite scalding but close, the way Jim liked it best, and then as Jim watched from under the shower head, Spock removed his own clothes, exposing wonderful amounts of Spock skin, and his own large and thick cock, which rose proudly between his legs.

When Spock stepped into the shower, Jim opened his arms for him.

They were kissing again, like they needed kissing to survive, which maybe Jim did, Spock’s kisses anyway.

“Are you cleared for sexual activity?” Spock whispered next to Jim’s ear. He shivered hearing Spock say ‘sexual activity’.

“I’m not not cleared.”

That earned him the famous raised brow and laughter and excitement bubbled up inside him. Yes, this is what he wanted. Laughter and love and life with Spock. Adventure, danger. Everything he could have. And only with Spock. Only ever.

Spock kissed that laughter away, turning it to a moan as he fit their bodies together.

“Perhaps just a tease for now,” Spock spoke, his voice husky and deep sending another shiver down Jim’s spine.

He slipped a hand between his body and Jim’s, curling his fingers around the tips of both their shafts, sliding them against each other. It made Jim weak in the knees, but Spock managed to hold him up, his other hand on the rounded curve of Jim’s ass, as he worked their cocks together until Jim was mewling into Spock’s neck, desperately bucking his body with Spock’s.

“ _Jim_.” 

Spock groaning _his_ name like that sent Jim into a tailspin, his body shaking, wracked with a powerful orgasm, that once more nearly upended him to the floor of the shower. He was fortunate Spock was so wonderfully strong.

He sagged against Spock even as Spock continued to thrust his cock against Jim’s spent one. Jim moved his own hand down to Spock’s thick, hard, pulsing cock, wrapping his fist around the length and jerking Spock once, twice, three times. Spock let out a guttural cry as come spurted out over Jim’s fingers and onto the shower floor.

A while later, Spock was cleaning Jim. Washing his hair, scrubbing his body, holding and kissing him in ways no one ever had. It brought tears of vulnerability to his eyes, and Spock kissed those away too.

When they were both warm and dry, they moved to Jim’s bed, lying beside each other, or perhaps on top of each other. There was both. They didn’t seem to be able to get close enough to each other. Jim figured maybe they never would.

“I can’t remember when.”

“When?” Spock asked.

“I started loving you. Or didn’t love you. It’s been so long.”

“For me as well.”

“Yeah?”

And there were so many questions, so many wonderings and feelings wrapped up in that word. So much hope for the future.

Spock leaned over and kissed him. That kiss was everything.

Love, promise, hope, want and need.

Spock pulled back to gaze into Jim’s eyes.

“Yes.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. That's a wrap on this one. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
